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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28329120">you matter to me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostquartets/pseuds/ghostquartets'>ghostquartets</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(tried to keep it vague), Derek Morgan Whump, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, canon typical discussions of violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:01:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,020</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28329120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostquartets/pseuds/ghostquartets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Derek and Penelope finally get together, they are surprised by how hard it is to be apart.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Penelope Garcia/Derek Morgan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you matter to me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I decided there isn't enough Morcia fic out there, so I decided to fix that. Hope you enjoy! </p>
<p>Title is from the musical Waitress, song written by Sara Bareilles.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>For Penelope, missing Derek is about as easy as loving him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before they got together (and wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> strange thing to say), spending more time apart than together was how they worked; they made phone calls as fun as possible and had perfected the art of sending selfies (</span>
  <em>
    <span>“So you don’t forget what I look like, baby girl”</span>
  </em>
  <span>). And all those days apart made the time they had together all the more special. It made them appreciate the quiet days on the couch watching dumb movies, and the trips to Derek’s properties where he would do the building of the house and Penelope would do the building of the mood boards on Pinterest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So spending time apart wasn’t easy, but it was normal. It was part of their lives and they adjusted around it. But then she kissed him during that movie and he had pulled her closer and they had stumbled to his bedroom and, well, things changed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Almost a month passed between that night and the team’s next case. There had been one, but it had been local, and besides that, the team had been working on paperwork and department meetings and in-office consults. Most days, Penelope had lunch with Derek and at least one other member of the team and nights were filled with dates and kisses and a whole lot of touching. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But honeymoons don’t last forever, at least that’s what Penelope’s mother used to say. And when a case comes in from North Carolina, Penelope tries to ignore the ball of anxiety in her chest as she makes her way to the conference room, where the team is already waiting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope you all still have your go-bags packed, because it looks like you’re heading down to the Carolinas this week,” she says as she enters, already pulling up the case files on her tablet. Derek raises his eyebrows, but says nothing as Penelope lays out the case that they’ve been called on: three people, all students at the local community college, found strangled to death in their abandoned cars. Spencer gives a fact on strangulation and methodology, and Hotch ends the session with a “Wheels up in 30.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Everyone leaves the conference room to prepare except for Penelope and Derek. They hadn’t been overly touchy and loud about their relationship at the office, but rather had tried to keep things normal between them (or as normal as they could be). But now, without the team, Derek moves the tablet from Penelope’s hand to replace with his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey mama, talk to me. What’s on your mind?” His eyes are earnest, focused only on her, and Penelope feels the anxiety in her chest grow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing, big guy. Just… thinking about the preliminary searches I’m gonna get started on once you're in the air.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And….”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And… thinking about how much I’m gonna miss you!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek chuckles, playing with the rings on her fingers. “Baby girl, I go away all the time. It’ll be okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, but that was before… you know.” She blushes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’ll be okay, it always is. And you know I’ll be calling you when I can, and texting you when I can’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope smiles. “You, my angel, do know how to get a girl at ease.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmhmm, one of my many talents. And I’ll make sure to show you the rest once I get back home, how ‘bout that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope laughs. “Okay, tiger. I’ll hold you to that. Now go get yourself together before the boss man comes sniffing around.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek grins and presses a chaste peck on her lips. He lets go of her hands, and Penelope fights the urge to tug him back and never let him go. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>XX</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The first day of the case goes as expected. The team visits crime scenes, sets up at the precinct, and starts interviews to begin building the profile. Back at Quantico, Penelope begins her preliminary searches. She gets a text from Derek once the team lands, and a few others sprinkled throughout the day to let her know he’s thinking about her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But when lunch rolls around at Quantico and Penelope is eating her meal alone, she feels the loneliness start to creep in. It’s new, and it’s terrifying, and she wants to cover it with the sound of her favorite man’s voice. But he’s knee-deep in sadistic killers and she has to find the links between the victims, so she does her best to tell the loneliness that she’s busy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek calls at around six in the evening. Hotch mentioned something about research jobs and supervisors, and he jumped at the chance to call in their technical analyst. Derek dials the number, and Penelope picks up on the second ring. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your oracle is here and waiting. How can she assist?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek smiled for the first time since that morning. “Hey, baby girl. You ready to work your magic?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh for you, sugar? I’m always ready.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Derek could hear what she was saying in those words: </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m waiting for you to get back, I miss you, come home.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek tries to ensure that she understands that he misses her too when he says “Alright, Miss Garcia, let’s see what you got.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>XX</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope goes home that night feeling off-kilter. She fiddles with the radio on the ride to her apartment, not finding anything that matches her mood on her usual favorite stations or on the CDs she has on deck. But driving in silence is somehow even worse; she finds herself looking out into the lonely dark road, wondering how she will be able to sleep that night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Penelope walks into her dark apartment, which seems a little colder than usual, Derek and the team are wrapping up at the precinct and heading to the hotel that will be home until the case is solved. He’s paired up with Spencer as usual, and the two head to their hotel room. When Spencer goes to shower, Derek settles on one of the queen beds and flips open his phone to dial a familiar number. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope answers on the second ring. “Well that’s funny, I was just thinking of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek smiles despite himself. He can just hear the shower turning on in the bathroom. “Oh really? And what were you thinking about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you know.” Derek can imagine Penelope, sitting on her couch and fiddling with one of the many small trinkets lying around her apartment. “Just thinking about how lost you must be, without my guiding light there to point you in the right direction…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, baby girl, you’re right. I am completely lost without you, don’t know which way is up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mmhmm, I knew it. Good thing you called.” Derek can hear her shift her body on the other line. “But you got to the hotel okay? Texted your mom and everyone?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, ma’am, texted them while Hotch was checking us in.” It made him float a little, how Penelope knew his routine: text his mom and sisters when he got sent on a case, text them when he got settled into the hotel, text them again when he was heading back to Virginia, and always a call once he was settled back home so they knew he was alright. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And our little genius is okay, right? You’re rooming with him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That makes Derek laugh out loud. “Now you know if he heard you asking about him, he’d get all upset. He’s a big kid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know that, but I still worry about him.” A pause, then: “And I worry about you, too. You’re being safe, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek’s heart drops. He hears the change in her voice, the vulnerability that’s creeping in. He stands up and moves towards the window to look out into the night. “Of course. You got nothing to worry about.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have everything to worry about. I just… you’re not here and it’s hard to convince myself that you’re okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And there it is, the thing that had been buzzing in the back of his mind since he got on the jet. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re not here.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He was in some hotel miles away, chasing monsters, and she was back home. Safe, but alone. He flexes his hand, fighting the urge to reach out and touch her like he usually would when she’s upset. “Penelope… you know I miss you too, right? But we’re gonna be okay. This distance thing… it’s what we’re best at, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah… we are pretty good at it. But that doesn’t make it easier.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek looks out into the night, seeing the reflections of the empty hotel room in the glass. “No, it doesn’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>XX</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The team catches the unsub three days later. It goes relatively smoothly, no serious injuries on the team’s end, and the unsub was taken alive. They get back to Quantico in the late evening, with Hotch sending everyone home with orders to get some rest, and he didn’t expect them back until tomorrow at around lunchtime. Everyone heads off to their respective homes, and Derek gets into his car. He should head straight home, settle in for a late dinner and a good night’s sleep before an afternoon of paperwork the next day. But instead, he puts his car in drive and heads to the apartment of one Penelope Garcia.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once he arrives, he parks his car in one of the visitor spaces. Derek grabs his go bag and keys, striding up to the front steps. He takes out the keys Penelope had given him after the Battles incident. When they began their relationship, neither of them brought up the key. He used it to get in her apartment, and she used the key he gave her a long time ago, when she used to go and walk Clooney and water his plants when he was on a case, to get into his place. It was one of the many unsaid parts of their relationship that spoke to the inherent trust between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek lets himself in and climbs the steps to Penelope’s apartment. Wanting to keep from completely scaring her, he knocks on the door before entering and says, “Baby girl, it’s me, I’m coming in.” As he unlocks the door and steps into the small space (made smaller by all the things that make it Penelope Garcia’s apartment), the woman herself steps out of her bedroom, still in her clothes from the day and her eyes wide.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Derek Morgan, what are you doing here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek laughs as he puts down his bag and shuts the door, moving towards her. “Well I thought, why spend my first night back all by myself when I could spend it with my favorite lady?” He wraps his hands around her waist, pulling her close to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are absolutely– oh my god.” And she pulls him into a kiss, arms going around his neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek smiles into it, pulling her impossibly closer to feel her warm body against his. Penelope pulls back quickly, looking at him as her hands move to cup his face. “What’s up, mama?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just… checking to make sure you’re okay. And wondering how lucky I am that you came all the way here to see me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He chuckles, kissing her on her forehead. “I needed to see you. I missed you so much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too. I didn’t expect to miss you as much as I did.” Derek pulls her into his arms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know, I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They hold each other for a few moments, relishing in the fact that they’re here, and together. Finally, Penelope pulls back first, a glint in her eye. “You mind if I show you how much I missed you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek’s eyes widen, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>holy shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>, how can this amazing woman be real? But he nods, and says, “Lead the way, mama.” She takes his hand and leads him to her bed, his guiding light in the darkness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>XX</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next case comes about a week later. Someone is killing recently divorced fathers, and there are already four victims by the time the team is ready to go. Everyone can tell this will be a bad one; they can all feel it in the air, even Penelope. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As the team prepares to leave, she keeps herself from reaching out to Derek and begging him not to go. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stay</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she wants to say. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Stay here with me, in my little cave where you can be safe. Don’t go chasing the monsters.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But Derek gives her a look, a look that says, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I have to leave, but I will always come back.</span>
  </em>
  <span> And so, against her better judgement, she lets him go.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The case is in Missouri, and by the time the team lands another man has been reported missing. From that moment, it’s all hands on deck. Derek barely gets a chance to shoot a text to Penelope that they landed, and she can barely text him back in between finding information that connects the victims.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next few days pass the same way; the team works hard and barely sleeps; two more bodies are found, and they can feel themselves getting closer to the unsub. Everything in their profile tells them the unsub won’t be taken in easily, too blinded by his own hatred for himself and whatever broken relationship he had with his own father. The team expects a fight, and when Penelope hears this she presses her fingernails into her palm so hard she almost draws blood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It all comes to a head when Penelope narrows down the suspect that is probably their unsub. The team heads out, knowing this is the end of the road for the man. Before they leave, Derek catches Penelope on the phone. “I’ll call you when we get this guy, okay baby girl?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope nods even though he can’t see her. “Okay… okay. Be safe. Get the guy, obviously. But don’t go and do any crazy heroics. I need you back in one piece.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, ma’am.” He hangs up and goes to join the team. Penelope bites her lip. And waits.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And waits.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And waits.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Until three hours later, her phone rings. Her heart leaps in her throat, but quickly falls into the pit of her stomach when she reads the caller ID: Hotch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shaking, she picks up the phone, putting it on speaker. “Hotch, sir, what’s going–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Garcia, listen to me.” His voice is deep and strong, as always, but there’s a sense of urgency there, too. And when Hotch lets himself show even a sliver of worry, there’s reason for concern. “Something happened with the unsub. Everyone else is fine, but Derek–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sir, what happened? Is he…” She couldn’t even finish the thought. Tears leak from her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There was… during the struggle, Morgan got pushed and... Fell on a loose pipe. It was... Pretty bad. They took him into surgery immediately.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope is already rising, shutting off her computers and packing up her work bag. “Have you called his mom? And his sisters? Do they know?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Reid is handling that,” he answers immediately. “He needed something to do. But look, Garcia–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m on my way now. I’m getting on the next flight.” She has her phone in her hand as she locks up her office and heads to the elevator, already planning for what route will get her to the airport the fastest. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Garcia, you can’t just–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sir, I’m sorry, but I have to be there. If you want to punish me, you can do that after Derek is okay.” Because he will be okay, he has to be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Garcia, I know how much you and Derek care about each other, I do. But there’s not much you can do here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope presses the button for the elevator over and over, as if that will get it to go faster. “Well if you know how much we care about each other, then you know that I need to be there. I will see you in a few hours.” The elevator arrives and she hangs up, too frazzled and too busy crying to even think of how she is going to be in </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> much trouble.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Back in Missouri, Hotch lowers the phone from his ear and pinches the bridge of his nose. This team will be the death of him, he knows it. But on the other hand, at least this confirms that Rossi lost the bet, and now owes him a nice dinner.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>XX</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Penelope arrives at the hospital, Derek is out of surgery. The team is still in the waiting room, and they all look up as she enters, frazzled and obviously tired, dry mascara around her eyes, but still Penelope Garcia, still bright under the harsh hospital lights.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where is he? How is he? Have you talked to the doctors?” JJ and Emily immediately pull her into hugs, neither of them letting go of her hands and arms as she directs the questions directly to Hotch, who slowly stands and approaches her.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s out of surgery, and they think he’s going to be okay. The pipe missed the major arteries, and if all goes well he’ll just be off his feet for a little while.” Hotch gives her a look, sizing her up. Not in a malicious way, but in the way a friend would to make sure the other won’t fall apart at the seams. Penelope nods in gratitude.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you. And sir, I’m so so sorry about earlier. I just got so worried because you said he got hurt and–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Garcia, there’s nothing to apologize for.” Hotch puts a hand on her shoulder, and even graces her with one of his rare little smiles to let her know that she’s okay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope can only nod again. “Right, okay.” She looks around at her team, at her family. They all look exhausted, and like they haven't changed their clothes or moved. But God, does she love them. Even though there is a large, gaping space where her Derek should be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I, um– can I see him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily speaks this time, softly. “We were able to get him a private room, and someone is gonna be able to stay with him tonight. You can go back when you’re ready.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope nods, and the team steps back as Emily begins to lead her down the hallway towards Derek’s room. As she’s led away, she whispers a soft thank you that she hopes lets them know that she doesn’t think she can ever love them all enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily walks slowly, and Penelope matches her pace even though all she wants to do is run. “He’s really lucky you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope nods. “Hotch told me, no major arteries hit, and he’ll just be in some pain. But he’s gonna hate not being able to get around and–”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily laughs a bit. “No, no, Garcia. I mean he’s lucky to have you. You hopped on a plane and flew halfway across the country for him. Who even does that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had to, Emily. I couldn’t just… sit at home and wait.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, you could have. And believe me, I know plenty of people who would. But you… Penelope, you love him so much. And he’s really lucky to have you.” Emily stops in front of a non-descript door and faces Penelope, arms gripping her sides. “You two are just... Perfect for each other.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope smiles, rubbing her hands over Emily’s. “Thanks, Em.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emily nods and lets her go. “This is his room. Me and the team are probably gonna head out, okay? We still have some things to wrap up. But call if you need anything, got it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a goodbye, Emily goes back the way she came and Penelope takes a deep breath before opening the door. She freezes at the site that greets her: strong, capable Derek Morgan, lying in a hospital bed with a nasal cannula and his leg propped up. Penelope exhales, her breath shuddering. Out loud, she says, “Oh, my love, I almost lost you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She closes the door and moves silently, slowly, around to the side of the bed with a waiting chair. She gingerly sits down, never taking her eyes off of Derek’s prone figure. He looks vaguely paler than he should, but the way his chest rises and falls is a comfort. For a few minutes, all Penelope can do is stare. How did she almost come so close to losing all this? This beautiful man who she would chase to the ends of the Earth?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She softly, reverently takes his hand. His eyes do not open, and he does not shift, but Penelope can feel her heart settle a bit. And so she sits back, and she lets the sounds of the monitors and Derek’s breathing sit watch with her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>XX</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Derek comes to, he feels heavy, like when he would fall asleep on the couch at home and his mom would put the heaviest blanket they had over him even though it was summer. Slowly, he opens his eyes and immediately closes them again when he is met with a harsh light. He tries again, this time squinting and trying to get his bearings. Based on what he remembers (running, a struggle, falling, pain, shouts) and the scratchy material under him, he guesses he’s in a hospital. He senses a presence next to him, and can feel a hand in his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hears a soft “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>” and he would know that voice anywhere. He softly moves his head to the side and there she is, his angel, his everything. She has bags under her eyes and no makeup and her hair is pulled into a ponytail. And he has never been so happy to see Penelope Garcia. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey baby girl, what’re you doin’ here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What am I– Derek Morgan, if you were not in a hospital bed I would hit you.” She looks close to tears again, but she’s also very close to smiling, and Derek counts that as a win.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You came all the way out here just for a little scratch? C’mon, Penelope. I’m gonna be fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was not a little scratch! Hotch called me and said you were impaled by a pipe and I couldn’t just sit in my cave while you were here and… I almost lost you, do you understand that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mama, listen–” Derek tries to shift so he’s facing her more fully, but he accidentally shifts his leg and a burst of pain erupts, pulling a groan out of him. He squeezes his eyes shut as his head falls back to the pillow. “Hold on, just give me a minute. Damn that hurt.” When the pain becomes manageable again, he opens his eyes and looks at her. “Penelope, you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>gonna lose me. I’m right here. And I’m gonna get outta here soon, and we’re gonna go home and you’re gonna nurse me back to health, and we will be okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can’t promise that,” she says in a soft voice. Her free hand comes up to stroke the skin near his eyebrow. “Every time you go away on a case, I feel like you’re taking part of my heart with you. And if something happened to you, I don’t know. I wouldn’t get that piece back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Penelope, God.” He rubs his thumb on her fingers where their hands are intertwined. “Leaving you is always hard. But, you also give me a reason to come home.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiles at that, and the panic that had made a home in her chest is quelled for a bit. He smiles back at her, but she can see the pain in his eyes. “Alright, big guy. Let’s get a nurse in here now that you’re awake. Maybe they’ll give you some of the good stuff.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>XX</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek is in the hospital for three more days. He feels fine enough after a day, or at least that’s what he tells the doctors and Penelope and the rest of the team. But Penelope isn’t convinced, and the doctors want to keep him to make sure he doesn’t have an infection. Penelope leaves his side as little as possible, just going to the hotel the team is staying at to shower and change (she wears a mix of clothes from Derek and clothes that JJ bought for her at a local Target, and Penelope really really loves her for it). The team is able to maneuver their way to stay in town until Derek is able to be moved, and once he’s been discharged with strict instructions on bed rest and physical therapy and a slow return to work, everyone is on the jet heading back to Quantico.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even though Penelope loves the jet, is always amazed by it because she rarely gets to use it, her focus is on Derek the entire trip. She has him laid out on the couch, taking the seat nearest to him for herself. She chats with other members of the team, but always keeps an eye on him. When the jet lands, Hotch sends Derek home with strict instructions that he is not allowed in the office for the next three weeks, per the doctor’s orders. But under the order, there is the message that Hotch’s glad he’s coming back with all the members of his team.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After that, Derek and Penelope settle into a kind of routine. She unofficially moves in with him to help him out, and even though he calls her Mama Bear every chance he gets, he does get a warm feeling over how domestic it is: waking up with her, eating meals, watching TV, and going to bed together. It gives him a glimpse of what could be, but also what almost wasn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After three weeks, Derek is back at work, but only at his desk.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The routine continues, until finally, finally, Derek has been cleared to be back in the field. Penelope celebrates with him, and congratulates him with a fun night that involves lots of silk and lace, but in the back of her mind the panic is settling in again. She can no longer protect him. He won’t be in arms reach when she needs him anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The night before he goes back to working in full capacity, they’re laying in post-coital bliss. She’s on his chest, and he’s tracing patterns on her back. It’s quiet, and they're happy. But Derek interrupts it by shifting so he can see her face. “Hey, baby girl? Can we talk about something?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope tries not to let the panic show on her face, but she’s never been that good at lying. “Uh, yeah. Sure. What’s going on, Der?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s just. I’ve been thinking. About what you said back in Missouri. About how hard it is for you when I’m gone. And, I guess I just want you to know that it’s hard for me too, you know? I hate being away from you, not being able to hold you like this every night.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope is at a loss for words, and so she pulls him into a kiss. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she tries to say with it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I miss you when you’re gone but I love you more every time you come back to me.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they separate, Derek’s eyes are glinting with happiness so great it’s almost blinding. “Well, if I’m gonna be kissed like that, I’ll need to say I miss you more often.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh shut up.” But Penelope is laughing and it’s moments like these that make Derek wish he could capture and keep forever.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But, it got me thinking, and I was talking to my mama, and she gave me an idea so… Here, hold on.” He shifts them so he can reach over into the drawer of his bedside table, taking out an object that Penelope can’t see. Opening a long rectangle box, Derek takes out what he was looking for: a golden chain, with a gold heart at the end of it. “She sent me this. My dad gave it to her when he went to train at the academy. And I was telling her about everything, and she thought you might like this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope takes it into her hand, cradling it like the heart might shatter. The pendant is small, with intricate floral designs on the front and back. “Oh Derek, this is…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looks at her softly. “I was thinking you would like it. And the best part is you open it, and…” He takes it from her, and demonstrates by opening the clasp on the side of the heart. And what she sees has Penelope bursting into tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the locket are two pictures. One is of Derek, smiling and looking off into the distance. The other is a picture of Derek and Penelope, faces close together, looking at each other and seemingly oblivious to the fact their picture is being taken.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek gives her a few moments before speaking. “My mom sent me the pictures. The first one is a picture you sent her, the other is one she had of us from last Christmas.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Derek Morgan…” Penelope is at a loss for words, something so rare all she can do is laugh. “You are such a romantic. And your mom, oh my goodness. Mama Morgan must be a saint.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, she is.” Derek wipes away a few stray tears with his thumb. “I love you, Penelope Garcia. And I want to be with you always, even if I physically can’t.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Penelope nods, pulling him into a short kiss. When they separate, she answers, “And I love you, Derek Morgan. And you’re with me always, even when you physically can’t be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Derek smiles, and wordlessly he brings up the locket and clasps it around her neck. When the locket settles against her chest, the gold glinting against her skin, he feels his chest expand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>XX</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Two days later, when Penelope video chats the team when they’re away on the next case, Derek sees the golden locket on Penelope’s chest, and he feels content. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please let me know what you think! And visit me over at blkantigone on Tumblr if you want to say hi!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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